Ok, I've been putting this off for quite some time in the hopes I would actually get some work done, but that doesn't seem to be happening... oh, and for anyone who is thinking it, no, I don't spend my evenings listening to 'Thought for the day' on Radio 2. Honest!
Bob
Sometimes it seems like to want to tell everyone everything that's going on in your life. You want them to understand why you do what you do, why you say what you say, why you thinking what you think. It strikes me that this desire is never carried out. Even when I start, I stop before I get very far. And it isn't because of self-preservation, or a desire to be mysterious. I'm not actually sure it's even that saying all of that stuff would cause my own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, to leap straight up through my neck and throttle my brain.
Maybe it's fear. Fear that if I tell anyone my real thoughts then I'll stop thinking them. Because even when I'm in one of those funny moments when my thoughts turn to the slightly darker side of my life (read: the past!) I actually quite like thinking about it. Well, maybe like is the wrong word. But even when I remember things like how deeply I've been in love in the past, and how much I wished my past with her could have been different, or how I felt when I lost a member of my family, it's kinda comforting to be able to reach that deep inside of me, to bring back something from it. And the knowledge that one day I may not be able to do that frightens me.
So maybe it's a good thing that we keep some things to ourselves, some deep corner within us, either to hide in, or just to keep to remind ourselves not to return to the dark places. Because the present, for most of us, is a good place to be. Whatever our problems, however bad things may be, at the very least we have some new experiences to put in that dark place, some new reasons to be happy about ourselves. Something to remind us of how human we are.
